</div></div>
Make You Crazy feat. Femi Kuti - Brett Dennen</div>

Why didn't you go forward?!

.noitasrevnoc eht fo tuo teg em pleh esaelp ,enoemoS

Two nymphs were circling the sink when I was about to wash the clay off my face.

Mercy was the last thought I had, I turned on the tap and flushed the sink. I wouldn't budge till I could imagine them drowning in the pipes.

Cockroaches drown, do they?

That should teach you juveniles a lesson - to keep to your curfew and not loiter out of your territory. Hiak.

Sometimes, I dread being the eldest child in the family.

I can't help but to marvel at how timely the requests fly to my face just when I was craving for a tub of solitude.

I reckon I can win the Weight Lifting competition, judging on the demands that pile onto my shoulders.

Am I being too wilful or spoilt that such slight thump of responsibilities makes me whine?

Happy is my vitamin, it lifts my spirits, brings mega-watt smile to my face, exudes sparkles in my eyes, makes my hair shine and my steps light. It's infectious and it overflows to my work, my actions, my friends, the people around me.

I am happy when...

I wake up naturally, without the help of an alarm clock.
there isn't any odd strands of hair sticking out from my head (a result from the whole night of tossing and turning) HELLO GOOD HAIR DAY!
there is breakfast with KOPI-O!
I manage to finish reading the papers during breakfast.

I managed to shit. (Hhahah! It's a form of release for me - a daily affair to remind myself that I've dropped yesterday's burdens into the toilet and ready to take on today's challenge. Diarrhoea? Bring it on baby!!!)
I know what I will be wearing for the day, and it looks damn good on me.
I get a seat on public transport.
My hair didn't smell of the fumes from the foodcourt.
I get to eat yummy CHENG TNG!

I complimented someone for doing a good job, looking good, improving his/her work...
someone complimented me for doing a good job, looking good, on doing something that's edifying.
managed to reverse-park the car in a busy carpark with ONE ATTEMPT.
I smile at anyone.
my smile made anyone happy.

I buy new clothes, bags, shoes, grocceries, new books...
I eat SUSHI!!
I run the extra mile that I usually couldn't manage to.
I helped a popo or pekpek and they appreciated my help alot.

my tuition kid does her homework.
the tuition was fruitful.
I get to walk home before the sun sets.
I walk with Mama Neo at Ponggol Park.
I spend that hour eating with Papa Neo before my church service or choir practice.
my Didi decided not to play so much computer games.
my sister talks to me (I am elated when she initiates..)

I meet my longtime friends.
I have had fun with my bestie, my friends, CG, relatives...
baby YH manjas with me.

Daddy God surprises me out of my socks.
I am reminded constantly that He loves me no matter if I have showered, done my homework, saved that extra dollar or wear shoes the right way..

I am happy because of Him.

I have been serving Him for the past weekends. I thought I was walking with Him.
Nope, it finally dawned on me that I have been walking, on the treadmill. I seemed to be moving but I have always been on the same spot.

This sucks lah.

And I survived. Praise The Lord. No withdrawal symptoms (i.e. headache, grouchy mood, slurry speech, etc) and I was able to function normally at the lab. In fact, I felt damn good that week. Too bad, the caffeine break ended on Sunday as I had breakfast with my Mama Neo. She enticed me with her lovingly-brewed coffee that only gets better with age. I watched those jet black stream trickle down my mug as I gulped my saliva down my pharynx. Heck lah, God created coffee beans, Kopi-O, Kopi-Gau, Espresso, Cuppacino and Starbucks, Coffeebean, Gloria Jean's and YaKun for our pleasure.

It only took me approximately 30seconds to pollute my system with the aroma and richness of coffee, again.

I was in a mood of wearing skirts and acting cute.

I would like to think that my legs are a mile-long.

There was this little boy, really very small that he danced and danced and danced into my skirt.

I hope nobody saw it. Mega paiseh.

I had a good Monday.
My friend, Christline, was super gracious to introduce to us this unassuming, cosy-looking Japanese restaurant at Far East Plaza.

"I come here every month to eat the sashimeeee!" she gushed like one of the schoolgirls on public transport whom I sometimes would love to swat them away so that my ear drums can relax and not vibrate for awhile.

As my love for Japanese food usually extends to cooked fare and wasabi, I eagerly asked her if the ramen, unagi and dons and whatever-that-is-cooked was comparable too..
It opens at 5.30pm, we were there at 5pm. With every customer that joined us in the queue, we couldn't help but to be smugly grateful that we were  the leaders of the queue. While waiting, Christline briefed us the Thou-shalt-not-yada yadas for eating at the resturant, we strategised what dishes to order and rehearsed how to order HOT Japanese Green Tea with ICE.

The Uncle (Chef) finally arrived at 5.30pm, we held our breath as he unlocked the what seemed like a bathroom door to me. Behind that door, lay a simple counter lined with high stools that petite girls would need a ladder to climb unto the seats (Hhegehehehee). Customers settled themselves in an orderly manner and they were more well-behaved than any Primary 5 Prefects during assembly. We promptly made our orders with such speed, precision and caution. We were eager to please the Chef, so that he would not ban us (or rather Christline) from his restaurant in future.

We were a far cry from how we were when we ate in Korea. During those meals, we fed each other with much laughter, teasing and noise that other customers might wonder if we had gotten high on kimchi. Over here, we did talk and laugh but the laughter was tinged with fear.

The legendary, greatly anticipated sake salmon was thrusted to our sight.
They were pale, thick, moist and lined with omega-3 fatty acids.



I picked up one flab of the sashimi, spreaded wasabi over it with a dash of soy sauce and plopped it into my mouth. It felt a like crash course of dating - it was love on first bite. I am promiscuous (foodwise) but I am still faithful with durian, Hokkien mee, carrot cake, fried  chicken wing, bread, cheng teng, soon kueh, dumplings, paos, nasi bryani, fried rice, sushi, ban mian, Botak Jones, Astons, matcha ice cream, pork chop... and I needed to include this as my latest concubine.

Do you play Resturant City?
At that instance, I almost wanted to award them a thumbs-up and some gourmet points for their good food.


That's my restaurant. Heeheeheee. I want to open a sushi parlour lei!

I am willing to bear with the grumpy airs of the Uncle.
I will improve on my ordering skils.
I decided to be selfish and not tell people the name of the restaurant (unless you invite me to go with you).

I shared about my Sake Sashimi McDreamy experience on FB but became defensive when a friend asked me on the location of this hostile jewel. Conveniently, I could not recall the name and did not bother to check it out either.



There are only 16 seats, my dear, I want to preserve its exclusivity!!! Let me feel abit more special, can?

I need to tell you why I love NTU

I love Lee Wee Nam! For the super-cool philantrophist worked so hard and was so generous with his moolah that he built a spacious library to benefit the unfortunate students (Example: Yours truly) who are stuck in campus at this unearthly hour on a TGIF, with nowhere to loiter, with nothing to play with and need something to occupy the void on their timetable.

I am so getting the hang of job being a farmer/gardener! Besides watering and singing to my babies at the greenhouse, I also hone my farming skills at Farmville, Facebook! Hehe, quite fun and fulfilling leh, to see the pumpkin, wheat, eggplant, artichoke seeds that I sowed grow into strong crop and I feel high harvesting them!! (Ok, this is in tandem to my spiritual hobby too.) Anyways, yes, back to my babies at the greenhouse, I am improving on my watering efficiency - I used to take like ages to water the plants but I realised that I scored my personal best timing today as I was left stranded in the lab with nothing else to attend to for the day.

I needed a hole to hide while waiting for the right time to set off to NUS for CG.
I miss my laptop, though it weighs a mammoth, I depend on the technology that sustains it to fill my time - the Internet.
Nehmind, school has a galore of desktops. However, I would rather hike up to LWN to use their computers than to test my patience with the slowpok ones in NIE.
(Word has it that computers in NIE library are not updated because they don't see a need to do so since we teachers are blessed with a laptop each from the boss. Another word has it that they deliberately ceased upgrading the computers so that they can discourage users (like Yours truly) from the using the desktops for other non-work related purposes. For e.g.: check FB, surf blogshops, play games, stalk people and buy movie tickets.)

Hence, I am here, a dot among a swamp of cubicles of free-access computers. For the past two hours (and the seconds are ticking away), I have been checking FB, harvesting my pumpkins on Farmville, updating my FB status; posted my response for ACE 421 and straining my left eye to check out how the neighbour was utilising her time at the computer.

I am officially stuggling to share about this or not but I just couldn't help it!

Since I plonked my heavy bottom on the swivel chair two hours ago, she had set her docks on some social website that connects the Chinese. She would expertly flick her mouse and scroll down the endless pages that seemed like a matrix of many many many men's photos. A click on the box, PWARF! An almost life-size photo of the user would appear on the screen and my peripheral vision would steer to her screen, checking out the species she was checking out.

I guessed she behaved like many of us (you and me, he and she, we are part of this one big family! Don't deny!) when we surf the profiles of strangers. Nod your head when you think ihe/she is pleasing to your eyes, squirm and shake your head when he/she is not your type!!

I was like that, I spent vast portion of my youth doing that. I was such an elite that I could carve out a person's personality and character just by the language, photos posted and the type of themes applied to the profiles. I don't do that now partly because I outgrew it and also partly I have been renewed by Buddy J. Thank God for that!

See, one can be readily sucked into the alluring hole of the Internet.The neighbour beside me has left and I am running late now!!!

Check out my FB status, it would probably show something gibberish at first glance. However, upon a closer look (backwards), those letters would make sense.

I fell down in school (time check:) two days ago.

Well, I was distracted when I ascended the stairs leading to the bridge that connects the NTU and NIE community. Good job to those two guys who asked me if I was okay, "I am okay, no problem at all!" To those who sniggered at my booboo, please walk carefully! XOXO!

Was I distracted by the sight of handsome male species floating around the campus? No.
Was I distracted by the butterflies that fluttered around me like pretty jewels in the air? Noooo.

I was distracted by the amazing turn of events that happended in my Project Supervisors' office 30 minutes ago.

Besides proudly donning the badge on my chest that says, "Yes! I can! For FYP!", there are loaaaaads of things I have to do for the project. People who actually spoke to me would know that recently I cultivate love for the little greenlings that I would go down to Ulu Nanyang on Fridays to water them. And I spent a portion of my holidays in school to run the lab tests on the greenlings.

I felt that I was doing quite a lot, compared to those who didn't choose to walk the FYP path. Sometimes, in the midst of my watering, I would fantasize how life would be all sun, sand, sea and orange juice if I signed up to do elective module instead......

Honestly, I didn't invest my full effort into FYP, which I ought to.
Due to my chronic condition of laziness, I procrastinated and didn't touch the data I had collected many moons ago. It was only when The Day draws nearer that I sounded the alarm and tried to make meaning out of the data.
Orbi good, I had a frantic time sorting out the numbers, right up to the eve of the day I was supposed to meet the supervisors, I was still trying to figure out how to sort out the data. (It's really a hug lump of numbers y'know???!) Three hours before the meeting, I was still constructing charts to make my data look more of substance.

I believed that God's grace was upon me no matter what and so I spammed Him with prayer requests that the supervisors would be super sweet and not scold me, they would be in favour of my results and they would be real cool during the discussion.

I had to face the music, cos the Earth stil rotates even I have constipation.
And so, I meekly handed my results (with the bar charts, scatter plots and tables doubtfully constructed) to my supervisor. For every page that she studied, my heart threatened to shoot up my oesophagus. My armpits were sprouting sweat though the air con was howling with cold gusts.

"Hmm, that's good, the data correlated with the preliminary observations. You see this, ..."

"Huh? Whatdidyasay?"

"Your data is good...."

"...????"

Just then, another supervisor entered the room,

"Come and take a look at the data, Sinni has done a good job...."

"Wowwww, that's good stuff from you Sinni..."

"Good yada yada yada yada"

The outcome of the meeting was unexpected. I was prepared to be scolded by them but yet, they were approving of my work. I was so overwhelmed by the somewhat miraculous meeting and I knew it was Daddy God's divine work.  I was mixed with awe, surprise and a tinge of disbelief but I still praised Him for that great great work of grace - the favour bestowed on my despite my horrible laziness.

But do you know that He is so loving that He knew that I would be leaping with joy after the meeting and revert back to my chronic state and not do anything for my FYP until the hour strikes again. He knows me, every inch, every depth, every cell of me. He needs to jolt me awake to know that though He could help me through any sticky situation faithfully, I need to know that very often it's my own folly or lack of action that landed me into such smelly predicament.

I need to grow out of my laziness which is well hidden that I don't realise it.
Therefore, the fall at the stairs, helped to puncture my pride at that moment to realise that I need to work on my work habits and get rid of procastination and laziness. The bruises on my knee and arm served as a gentle reminder to me that if I don't reflect on my actions and my attitude towards my job in NIE, I would probably face something nastier than just a tumble onto the stairs.

What He did,reminds me of how our parents would lovingly discipline us.
But He definitely gave us more.

Actually, I was making a mountain out of a molehill last night.

After my sleep, after my breakfast, after church service, after the National Day Parade, I realised I was prolly on my PMS rampage.
I am contemplating to remove the previous entry/keep it private/leave it there.

Ok, I am going to leave it there, cos it did happened and I should live with it and move on.

Anyway, my stomach is acting up.
I am mad hungry now. I wanna eat... YONG TAU FOO .

And I am currently nursing a crush. I don't know whether I am mesmerized by the photos or the models or the photographer. Anyways, I cannot take my eyes off them..............



Makes me want to pose like them.

and I am trying very hard not to put the other foot in.



If I can attach a mood-o-meter on my chest, you would probably see the trend moving like a roller-coaster ride - One minute I am climbing up, and the other I would be sliding down the tracks.

(:
:)
):
:(

It's been like this for the past week. I have been trudging myself through the sludge, I kept claiming for the strength and joy in Buddy J. Almost always, I receive peace in my heart when I need it. However, when I returned from solitude to this world, the cloud of peace  which was so preciously stored in a jar, fizzled and evaporated into the clamouring demands of this world.

I was dragged out of my slumber this morning, with the constant rolling of the trolley in the corridor.
Why so eager to move, neighbour? If you really have to do so, why didn't you tiptoe? You have just woken up a lioness from her rest and she is not very happy lor........

What I had experienced was an epitome of Waking-up-from-the-wrong-side-of-the-bed.

I slouched at the table, after my daily dose of newspapers. I just sat there thinking, "Mann, why am I feeling like I am a backside?"

I felt like a backside when I tried to amend my Post Lesson Reflections and realised that I have an incomplete lesson plan which I totally forgot or assumed that it was done. Now, I have to do it cos I have to submit a file of all my works to my Sup, evidence that I did attend school everyday for five weeks. I felt like an even bigger backside that I didn't manage to print my LPs at the sec school, now I have to print using my own paper and ink, and alot of trees would be implicated. 

I felt like a backside when I realised I suck at planning gatherings. I don't know if it's a clash of interests or just wrong timing. I see that they do sports, ok, outdoorsy activities would be fine. Let's do kite-flying! (The response wasn't windy enough) I see that some loves to sing, let's go Karaoke (maybe we are all bathroom singers and our bathrooms don't look like K-box so our voice box would clam up if we do venture to sing...). Finally, someone was gracious and kind to offer her palace for us to have a dose of chillax. I started out excited, sending highly energetic emails to inform and remind them to RSVP. The waft of response made me see the backside. I just couldn't help it, I need concrete response ASAP so that I can get it off my mind and answer to people when they press for it.
I must have lacked that slab of patience - I was close to giving up and postpone the meeting altogether. But by doing so, those who were actually keen and free to attend would be left stranded on a precious Public Holiday. What about the gracious one? Her anticipation for guests to pop by her new home would be doused. Honestly, I only thought about all these only after a fellow CELLie talked to me online and still expressed optimism that the gathering could go on (despite the bleak attendance, IMHO). I learnt that I shouldn't dispose of people's sincerity and time when I feel like it or when I don't feel like it. Oh mannn, I am sucha backside...

I felt like sucha backside when the digits on the weighing scale jumps to a greater magnitude. Huh?! I don't recall eating alot, I am back to my running and weight lifting. I held my breath when I weighed myself. AND STILL, I put on weight.

Maybe those are the weight of my unhappiness.

I tried to live in freedom.

Despite my bad mood, I agreed to print a stack of vouchers for a friend so that she could create a wonderful birthday for her special someone. I maximised my patience with the colour printer so that I could get it done for her. It's been three days, the vouchers are still waiting for their owner. I wonder my effort was worth it.

Despite my balmy mood, I still bake to spread my residual love to others. It does brighten my day when I know that my muffins brightens someone's appetite. But that kinda bright moments are shortlived.

Depsite my depressing mood, I still squeeze a smile at people I know and laugh with them. There's an echo in my laughter, it bounces emptiness back at me.

I decided to end this whining abruptly cos I am feeling void at this moment.

So what if the timetable that FPO has planned isn't in your favour?
So what if the haze is making your lungs wheeze?
So what if you didn't know that your dearest friend had been back in Singapore for the past weeks and when you finally know about it, she is flying off again?
So what if there's no wii, no board games, no food, no entertainment at the gathering?
So what if you put on 2KG since Faithcamp?
So what if you have breakouts on your face that refuse to clear up despite efforts to exterminate them?
So what if you manage to submit the FYP results for the first harvest to your sups before school starts? DO YOU EVEN UNDERSTAND WHAT YOU ARE DOING?

I really wanted to let out a bad word to bring all these to a conclusion.
I couldn't.
Thank God for that.

A note to my readers,

It's not my nature to talk about stuff that is heavily loaded with emo-mojo. This sludge of nagging issues just remain clogged in my life. I definitely prefer to decorate this online journal with sugar and spice and everything nice but le sigh, rainbows don't appear everyday, do they? They only reveal their glorious beauty, with the help from the hopeful rays of the sun, after the gloomy downpour.

The news of the soft opening of the mega shopping mall, ION Orchard, was widely publicised and it flooded the lunchtime conversation among Singaporeans. The greenhouse effect at Orchard shopping district has turned up by a few notches as new shopping malls sprouted along the streets like mushrooms in the forest floors. Besides, the old malls are dying to tear down their old paint to emerge as the still-hotter, better, mightier sisters of the new players in town. I have not visited the ION yet, though I am pretty sure that I will sink down the pool of Steve Madden shoes.

I know we are very blessed to be able to celebrate National Day Parade every year with zeal and cheers. The patriotic songs that float in the atmosphere, dive into our eardrums and send feel-good signals withing us and we feel good. We see our homeland filled with pretty blooms and butterflies, overflowing with honey and milk.

Take off your blinkers buddy, see the paranomic view of Singapore. The Utilities hire an army of agents to call up families to pay up their bills or risk their supplies being terminated. The Solicitors represent their clients to send fleets of documents to press for payment in a legal, atas manner. While the beloved young ones are doodling on their textbooks but fought hard to score in "Who has a greater iPhone/iPod/camera" contest, the parents scratched their scalp hard to earn the pennyies to sustain their kids' competition. 

Is it not enough that I live modestly-frivolously on my own savings?
Have I not lighten your load by choosing a study/career path that doesn't starve your hard-earned savings?
Was it a case of bad judgement, lack of commnunication and inadequate planning that led to today's predicament?

I am tired to see you frying your brain over these.
I am tired to hear your sighs of disappointment.
I am tired of you using silence to conceal your work only later to allow your problem be revealed when your concealer could cover it up anymore.

If this is the life of grown up, then I would prefer to wear school uniforms all day long.

By Faith, I believe that my God provides and will usher in the rainbow into my family STAT.

Have you met with situations, which you felt that it was alright but reality tells you that it was actually going down South?

I encountered that and it is almost always like that.

Sinni, it might prick you and your ego now but feed on the humble pie and you will be fine!

I am reflecting on it now, seriously complacency is decay.

I was told of this in school today,

"Miss Neo, got people say you look like some famous singer leh!"

Ai seh mann, who are those people? I wanna give them starrrs!

The CG had a HTHT last Friday and I shared with them about two persons in my life that I have been trying to draw them back into the protective arms of the Lord. However, I was informed that I seemed to be not showing love and care about their lives, only eager to bring them back to church.

Ouch, that pierced my heart. To me, helping them to return to God's embrace is my gesture of love and care. I was antagonised and I felt maligned cos I did care about their daily lives. My MSN conversation logs with them was not heavily-loaded with churchy stuff. I visually-listened to their problems online and encouraged them. I helped to collect a week's worth of newspapers for them when they needed to search for jobs. And I thought it was necessary to leave out their personal problems during my sharing to protect their identities. I don't want the cellies to start painting their canvas even before meeting them in person (which I really hope that it will be soon for them to visit the CG).

I felt the arrows, I swallowed hard and did not retaliate cos my heart, which has been bleeding and travailing for the two, was too scabbed to explain. However, as I reflected, yes, maybe we have been looking at love from different angles. What is love to me, may be a nuisance or pushy one to others. 

That Friday night, I concluded that I should just stop trying to haunt the two and let God do the job. I will just do the admin work - pray - and He will execute the plan. Almost as smooth and silent as the stream of spring water from Fiji Island, I felt God's love mending my heart and I felt peace flowing through my blood vessels, trying to flush away the sediments of sorrow, disappointment and weariness.

I must tell you that I had indeed witnessed God in action.

On Saturday morning, I was greeted with an apology from one of the brothers for jumping into conclusion the previous night.
That evening, one of the two, wanted to join me for Sunday service - I can't remember when was the last time I bugged him about it and now he gingerly wanted to join me for service!!! Of course I swtiched my GPS to LEW instead of the usual LET to meet him. Though I am beginning to grow my roots at Tampines, I am certainly willing to give up that little glimmer of chance of bumping into That Meister on Sunday at LET to support a friend in need!!!

(Does the last sentence sound confusing? It was intended cos the less people understand it the better!)

I am grateful for this whole episode even though I bled abit from it. I was able to reflect and learn to truly love a person for who he/she is and not based on my assumptions.

Lesson of the day: I will do my part - through incessant, untiring prayers and just leave the rest to God and go with His flow!!!

As I am planning for tomorrow's grand entrance to 3Fantabulous, I came across this video.


Post Video Reflection

Complete the following:

After watching this video... I was very inspired to watch a rugby match, especially now when I need a break! I was also very tempted to do the war dance in class as part of classroom management.